Ah Beng - Take A Break

Received From = BY Chan

Ah Beng - NEW STUFF ******************** Ah Beng bought a new mobile. He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, 'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610' ===================================================== Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College . Friend: Really, what is he studying.. Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him. ===================================================== Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night. DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok. Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game. ===================================================== Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry? Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry? Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister. ===================================================== Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD' Wife: How do you know?? Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again. ===================================================== Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.' Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?' Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...' ===================================================== Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine' He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.' ===================================================== How do you recognize Ah Beng in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board. ===================================================== Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it be would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot. ===================================================== Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?' ===================================================== Ah Beng : Why are all these people running? Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running? ===================================================== Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail' ===================================================== Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!' Servant: 'It's already raining.' Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.' ===================================================== A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

Fun With Numeric Numbers

You might like this. It's so hilarious... ..even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians and Singaporeans.


Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10.

Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with.....
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.


10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down! I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

Be Prepared For A Sudden Burst Of Laughter

Be prepared for a sudden burst of laughter!!!!

A little girl asked her Mom, 'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?' Mom replies, 'No, because she is in heat.'
'What's that mean?' asked the child.
'Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage..'

The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.'

Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block..'

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?'

( YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!! )

The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'

English Language Humour with'UP'

Email received
Sent by Jeffrey Pang

Lovers of the English language might enjoy this. It is yet another example
of why people learning English have trouble with the language. Learning the
nuances of English makes it a difficult language.
(But then, that's probably true of many languages.)

There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings than
any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary
as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list,
but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are
the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a
report? We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP
the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP
the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble,
line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this up is confusing:
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem
to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the
dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page
and can add UP to about thirty definitions

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP
is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may
wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out
we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it does
not rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now ....
....my time is UP, so time to shut UP!

Oh...one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at
night? U P



Don't screw up. Send this on to everyone you look up in your address book.

Now I'll shut up

Cute Definition

Date: Thu, Dec 25, 2008 at 11:22 AM
Subject: Cute Definitions

Subject: Cute Definition

Definitions:


School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance : A contract that keeps you poor all your life so
that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor
degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is
defeated by feminine water power.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing
through 'the minds of either'.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the numbers
present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest.... except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.


Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken
of when dead.

Spanish LOGIC

Subject: FW: Spanish LOGIC!
Date: Tue, 7 Oct 2008 12:59:24 +0000

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because: 1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic ; 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. (THIS GETS BETTER!) The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model. The women won. Send this to all the smart women you know...and all the men that have a sense of humor.

The Way Children See Things

Subject: The way children see things

(1) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

(2) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?"

(3) HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in
the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago.

(4) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents,"

(5) Tomato Sauce

A woman was trying hard to get the sauce to come out of
the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter
to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her
mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you
right now. She's hitting the bottle,"

(6) ELDERLY

While working for an organisation that delivers lunches to elderly
hospices, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at
a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
"The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

(7)DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit," "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning,"

(8) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal
of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
prayers and with sonorous dignit y intoned his version of what he
thought his Father always said "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn
... and into the hole he gooooes,"

(9) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read,
I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

(10) BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I
found", the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With
astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's
Adam's underwear!"

Q & A (IQ Testing)

~ * o* sTephANie ^_* ~

TEACHER : Why are you late?
BALGOBIN : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
BALGOBIN : The one that says, 'School Ahead, Go Slow.'
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
BALGOBIN : You told me to do it without using tables!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, how do you spell 'crocodile'?
BALGOBIN :
'K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L'
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
BALGOBIN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
BALGOBIN : 'HIJKLMNO! '!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
BALGOBIN : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, go to the map and find North America.
BALGOBIN : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Balgobin!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
BALGOBIN : Me!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, why do you always get so dirty?
BALGOBIN : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
BALGOBIN : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
BALGOBIN : Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
BALGOBIN : Don't bite any.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with 'I'.
BALGOBIN : I is...
TEACHER : No, Balgobin. Always say, 'I am.'
BALGOBIN : All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : 'Can anybody give an example of 'COINCIDENCE?'
BALGOBIN :
'Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.'
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : 'George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?'
BALGOBIN : 'Because George still had the axe in his hand?'
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
BALGOBIN : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
BALGOBIN : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Wh! at a pair of strange socks you arewearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
BALGOBIN : Yes it's really
strange. I've got another pair just like that
at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, children, if I saw a man beating adonkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
BALGOBIN : Brotherly love?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, Balgobin, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
BALGOBIN : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Di! d you copy his?
BALGOBIN : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
BALGOBIN : A teacher

Installing A Husband Software

Subject: FW: INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2008 05:26:54 +0000

---

Just for a laugh.

INSTALLING A HUSBAND Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate. DEAR DESPERATE, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 ;program.These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7. Good Luck Babe! Tech Support

Wife 1.0 Software

Received 11th July 2008

Subject: Wife 1.0 Software

THIS IS REALLY FUNNY! Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Golfing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help! Thanks, Troubled User..... ____________ _________ _________ _______ REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 .. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/ Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application 'Yes Dear' to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 . However, be very careful how you use these programs . Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 .. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system! Best of luck, Tech Support

A Joke Created For The Aged

Received:Tue 7/1/2008 11:38 AM

Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed

the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Bill didn't show up. Sam wasn't concerned; he thought

Bill might have a cold or some urgent appointment. But after Bill hadn't
shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since Sam

didn't know where Bill lived (the only time they ever got together was

at the park) he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

After a month had passed, Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill.

On his next visit to the park, however, Bill was sitting on their usual

bench waiting for him.

Amazed and delighted, Sam exclaimed, ''For crying out loud Bill,

what in the world happened to you?''

Bill replied, ''I've been in jail.'


''Jail?'' cried Sam. ''You?! What on earth for?''

''Well,'' Bill said, ''you know Sue , that cute little blonde
waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?''

''Yes,'' said Sam, ''I remember her. What about her?''

''Well, one day she filed rape charges against me.
At age 89, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded ''guilty.''

''The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.''

Family Humour

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

------------------------------
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife : 'Yes or no.'
-------------------------------

Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the
problem disappear'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be
greater than this one?'

--------------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever Girl:

'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'

Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

----------------------------
Son: ' Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat
a lady'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
________________________________

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

------------------------------------------------------------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'

-------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

Wives vs Husbands

Email received:

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day,'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'

The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.

' Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament

and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........'HEBREWS'

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT !

Cute Story

Received:

Wednesday, May 28, 2008 12:31:24 PM

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
"what happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time. …………………………."

("I just LOVE reading next line again and again") …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. ………………………….
GOD is missing,
and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!