A Dose Of Emails

From Bill Gates

2011-11-11T08:40:00.001-08:00

A true friend walks in WHEN the rest of the world walks out…

From BILL GATES... SHARE WITH OTHERS, esp YOUR Friends...

This should be posted in every school or kid's bedroom. Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this!

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about Eleven (11) things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: They called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, So don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. Keep yourself clean.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. *This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. *Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

If you can read this.... Thank a Teacher. If you can read this in English.... Thank a Soldier! And for life and everything else you have.... Thank Your Parents!! Now... think about this and smile if you agree and please pass this on...If you don't agree, go stick your head in the sand and take a deep breath!

Ah Beng - Take A Break

2011-03-08T17:11:00.000-08:00

Received From = BY Chan

Ah Beng - NEW STUFF
********************

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

=====================================================

Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend: Really, what is he studying..
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

=====================================================
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

=====================================================
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

=====================================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.

=====================================================

Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'

=====================================================
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'

=====================================================
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher
erases the board.

=====================================================

Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so.

He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it be would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

=====================================================

Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'

=====================================================
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

=====================================================

Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'

=====================================================

Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'

=====================================================
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning
Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

Andy Rooney Thinks About Women Over 40

2010-07-19T05:30:00.000-07:00

Rec from Jeffrey Pang:

In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!

Send this to five fine, fun, fabulous, fancy-free female friends over 40, or Men who might appreciate it too.

Touching Story

2010-06-10T19:45:00.000-07:00

Received from:
Sarath Wickrama Surendre

Subject: Fw: Touching story.

-
A cute little moral story....... .........

RED MARBLES
I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily appraising a basket of freshly picked green peas.

I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.
Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.

'Hello Barry, how are you today?'

'H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good.'

'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?'

'Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time.'

'G ood. Anything I can help you with?'

'No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.'

'Would you like to take some home?' asked Mr. Miller.

'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.'

'Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?'

'All I got's my prize marble here.'

'Is that right? Let me see it,' said Miller.

'Here 'tis. She's a dandy.'

'I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?' the store owner asked.

'Not zackley but almost.'

'Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble,' Mr. Miller told the boy.

'Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.'

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain wit h them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.'

I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.

Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died.

They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.

Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts... all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her, and moved on to the casket.

Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.

Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.

'Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim 'traded' them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about colour or size, they came to pay their debt.'

'We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,' she confided, 'but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho.'

With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

The Moral: We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds... Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.

Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~ A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself...An unexpected phone call from an old friend...Green stoplights on your way to work....The fastest line at the grocery store...A good sing-along song on the radio...Your keys found right where you left them.

Send this to the people you'll never forget.. I just Did....

If you don't send it to anyone, it means you are in way too much of a hurry to even notice the ordinary miracles when they occur.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED

The Good Husband

2010-05-07T03:59:00.000-07:00

FW: The Good Husband‏

From:
Sent:	Thursday, 6 May, 2010 5: 11 PM
To:

The Good Husband

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son.. what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and When she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time PRICELESS

Mother Theresa Prayer

2009-11-12T06:18:00.000-08:00

Received from Ng Yen Tien

Sharing with you...................

Look at the picture; make a wish, then read the prayer. It does not matter what your religion is.

Hi - I am picking 17 people who have touched my life and who I think would want to receive this. Please send it back to me (You'll see why).

In case you are not aware, Saint Theresa is known as the Saint of the Little Ways, meaning she believed in doing the little things in life well and with great love. She is represented by roses. May everyone who receives this message be blessed.

Theresa's Prayer cannot be deleted. REMEMBER to make a wish before you read the prayer .

That's all you have to do.
There is nothing attached. Just share this with people and see what happens on the fourth day.
Sorry you have to forward the message, but try not to break this, please.
Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive. Read the prayer below.

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilitie s that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

Now, send this to 17 people within the next 15 minutes. And remember to send this back.

I count as 1...you'll see why.

Fun With Numeric Numbers

2009-10-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

You might like this. It's so hilarious... ..even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians and Singaporeans.

Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10.

Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with.....
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.

10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down! I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

Eating Fruits - This Opened My Eyes

2009-09-25T07:07:00.000-07:00

Subject: Eating Fruit - this opened my eyes.

This sure is cool.... Must make sure we follow what has been found out the right way of doing things, especially eating fruits.

EATING FRUIT...

It's long but very informative

�

We all think eating fruits means just buying fruits, cutting it and just popping it into our mouths. It's not as easy as you think. It's important to know how and when to eat.

�

What is the correct way of eating fruits?

�

IT MEANS NOT EATING FRUITS AFTER YOUR MEALS! * FRUITS SHOULD BE EATEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.

�

If you eat fruit like that, it will play a major role to detoxify your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities.

�

FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD. Let's say you eat two slices of bread and then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it is prevented from doing so.

�

In the meantime the whole meal rots and ferments and turns to acid. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil....

�

So please eat your fruits on an empty stomach or before your meals! You have heard people complaining - every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats up, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet etc - actually all this will not arise if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach. The fruit mixes with the putrefying other food and produces gas and hence you will bloat!

�

Graying hair, balding, nervous outburst, and dark circles under the eyes all these will NOT happen if you take fruits on an empty stomach.

�

There is no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruits become alkaline in our body, according to Dr. Herbert Shelton who did research on this matter. If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruits, you have the Secret of beauty, longevity, health, energy, happiness and normal weight.

�

When you need to drink fruit juice - drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT from the cans. Don't even drink juice that has been heated up. Don't eat cooked fruits because you don't get the nutrients at all. You only get to taste. Cooking destroys all the vitamins.

�

But eating a whole fruit is better than drinking the juice. If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it. You can go on a 3-day fruit fast to cleanse your body. Just eat fruits and drink fruit juice throughout the 3 days and you will be surprised when your friends tell you how radiant you look!

�

KIWI: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E & fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.

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APPLE: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.

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STRAWBERRY: Protective Fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging free radicals.

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ORANGE : Sweetest medicine. Taking 2-4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessens the risk of colon cancer.

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WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher.. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene - the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are vitamin C & Potassium.

�

GUAVA & PAPAYA: Top awards for vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene; this is good for your eyes.

�

Drinking Cold water after a meal = Cancer! Can u believe this?? For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

�

A serious note about heart attacks HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE': (THIS IS NOT A JOKE!) Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting.. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack . Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.. Sixty percent of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive...

�

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.

Read this....It could save your life!!

The Mayonnaise Jar

2009-06-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

Subject: FW: The Mayonnaise Jar
Date: Tue, 9 Jun 2009 11:20:00 +0800

Send by Melinda

PLEASE READ TO FIND THE MORAL OF THE STORY

The Mayonnaise Jar

When things in your life seem, Almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class

And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again
If the jar was full... They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand

And poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded
With an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced Two cups of coffee from under the table
And poured the entire contents Into the jar, effectively
Filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, As the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life..
The golf balls are the important things - God, family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions –

Things that if everything else was lost

And only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter Like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --
The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are
Important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things That are critical to your happiness.
Playwith your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time
To clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand..'

One of the students raised her hand
And inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Please share this with other "Golf Balls"

I just did.......

Thinking Outside The Box

2009-05-31T09:06:00.000-07:00

FW: Thinking Outside the Box...‏

Thinking Outside The Box. . .

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night,
when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the
bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be
one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a
job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and
thus, you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he
once saved your life and this would be the perfect chance to pay him
back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up
with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old
friend and let him take the lady to the
hospital. I would stay behind, and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor
gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student
and had breezed through the questions until I read
the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the
school?" Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
cleaning woman several times. She was tall,
dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her
name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question
blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if
the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers,
you will meet many people. All are significant. They
deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is
smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her
name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American
woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway
trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had
broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally
unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man
took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his
address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a
knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A
special note was attached..
It read:
"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
the other night. The rain drenched not only my
clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying
husband's bedside just before he passed away... God
bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
others."

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and
sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in
front of him.
"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and
studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the
waitress was growing impatient.
"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice
cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress
came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the
table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
was one quarter, two dimes and five pennies.

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had
to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a
roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if
anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the
king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by
and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the
King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did
anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of
vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the
peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the
stone to the side of the road. After much pushing
and straining, he finally succeeded. After the
peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
a purse lying in the road where the boulder had
been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note
from the King indicating that the gold was for the
person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The
peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve
our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a
hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who
was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only
chance of recovery appeared to be a blood
transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had
miraculously survived the same disease and had
developed the antibodies needed to combat the
illness. The doctor explained the situation to her
little brother, and asked the little boy if he would
be willing to give his blood to his sister.
I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a
deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will
save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in
bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did,
seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his
face grew pale and his smile faded.
He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the
doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his
sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Now you have 2 choices.
1. Ignore this post, or

2. Repost it so other people can read it.

I hope that you will choose No. 2 and remember.

Most importantly.................

"Work like you
don't need the money, sing like no one is listening, love like you've
never
been hurt, and dance like you do when nobody's watching."

NOW more than ever - Please...Send It Forward...hug three people you love
and ask them to Send it foward as well.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that takes our breath away"

"The risk takers might not live long, but the cautious never live at
all"

Have a magical day

How Would You Fix The Economy

2009-05-09T07:16:00.000-07:00

makes good sense...

This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday.

The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?"

I think this guy nailed it!

Dear Mr.President,
Patriotic retirement:
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force; pay them $1 million a piece severance with stipulations:
1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed.

All this and it's still cheaper than the "bailout".

Be Prepared For A Sudden Burst Of Laughter

2009-05-09T07:07:00.000-07:00

Be prepared for a sudden burst of laughter!!!!

A little girl asked her Mom, 'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?' Mom replies, 'No, because she is in heat.'
'What's that mean?' asked the child.
'Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage..'

The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.'

Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block..'

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?'

( YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!! )

The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'

English Language Humour with'UP'

2009-03-04T07:36:00.000-08:00

Email received
Sent by Jeffrey Pang

Lovers of the English language might enjoy this. It is yet another example
of why people learning English have trouble with the language. Learning the
nuances of English makes it a difficult language.
(But then, that's probably true of many languages.)

There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings than
any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary
as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list,
but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are
the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a
report? We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP
the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP
the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble,
line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this up is confusing:
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem
to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the
dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page
and can add UP to about thirty definitions

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP
is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may
wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out
we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it does
not rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now ....
....my time is UP, so time to shut UP!

Oh...one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at
night? U P

Don't screw up. Send this on to everyone you look up in your address book.

Now I'll shut up

Cute Definition

2009-01-01T19:40:00.000-08:00

Date: Thu, Dec 25, 2008 at 11:22 AM
Subject: Cute Definitions

Subject: Cute Definition

Definitions:

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance : A contract that keeps you poor all your life so
that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor
degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is
defeated by feminine water power.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing
through 'the minds of either'.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the numbers
present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest.... except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken
of when dead.

A Wonderful Story

2008-12-22T07:40:00.000-08:00

FW: Give Love a Chance‏


Sent:	Monday, 22 Dec, 2008 10: 33 AM

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said 'I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat.'

'Is the man of the house home?', they asked.

'No', she replied. 'He's out.'

'Then we cannot come in', they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.

'Go tell them I am home and invite them in!'

The woman went out and invited the men in'

'We do not go into a House together,' they replied.

'Why is that?' she asked.

One of the old men explained: 'His name is Wealth,' he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, 'He is Success, and I am Love.' Then he added, 'Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home.'

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. 'How nice!!', he said. 'Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!'

His wife disagreed. 'My dear, why don't we invite Success?'

Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: 'Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!'

'Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice,' said the husband to his wife.

'Go out and invite Love to be our guest.'

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, 'Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest.'

Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: 'I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?'

The old men replied together: 'If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!'

MY WISH FOR YOU...
-Where there is pain, I wish you peace and mercy.
-Where there is self-doubting, I wish you a renewed confidence in your ability to work through it.
-Where there is tiredness, or exhaustion, I wish you understanding, patience, and renewed strength.
-Where there is fear, I wish you love, and courage.

Spanish LOGIC

2008-12-13T05:43:00.000-08:00

Subject: FW: Spanish LOGIC!
Date: Tue, 7 Oct 2008 12:59:24 +0000

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic ;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Send this to all the smart women you know...and all the men that have a sense of humor.

Great Household Tips

2008-12-13T05:40:00.000-08:00

Subject: FW: Great household tips

Great tips!!!

How many of these did YOU know about? Or remember??

A sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours, then slide a knife under the flap. The envelope can then be resealed.
(hmmmmmm...)

============================================
Use Empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords . It keeps them neat and you can write on the roll what appliance it belongs to.

============================================
For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: get warm water and put dawn dish washing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps. They won't refreeze. (wish I had known this for the last 40 years!)

============================================
To remove old wax from a glass candle holder , put it in the freezer for a few hours. Then take the candle holder out and turn it upside down. The wax will fall out.

=================================================
Crayon marks on walls? This worked wonderfully! A damp rag, dipped in baking soda. Comes off with little effort (elbow grease that is!).

====================================
Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt BLUE!) rubbing alcohol on paper towel.

=============================================
Whenever I purchase a box of S.O.S Pads , I immediately take a pair of scissors and cut each pad into halves. After years of having to throw away rusted and unused and smelly pads, I finally decided that this would be much more economical. Now a box of S.O.S pads last me indefinitely! In fact, I have noticed that the scissors get 'sharpened'' this way!

=============================================
Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. Works every time! (Now, where to put the body?) LOL

============== ========================
Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean. Don't wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry t oo quickly and will probably streak.

=======================================
Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any room to create a lovely light scent in each room when the light is turned on.

========================================
Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. Y ou can also do this with towels and linen.

=======================================
Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning.

=======================================
To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag an d add the flowers. Shake vigoro usly as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new! Works like a charm!

=======================================
To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet , simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove top.

======================================
Spray your TUPPERWARE with nonstick cooking spray before pouring In tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.

=======================================
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

================================ =======
When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness

.=====================================
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it i n half, and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

=======================================
Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces ......... Left over wine? What's that?

=======================================
To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area and you will experience instant relief.

======================================
Ants, ants, ants everywhere .. Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So, get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march. See for yourself.

============================== ========
Use air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and better still, leaves a lovely smell to the shine.

======================================
When you get a splinter, reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, and then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.

==================================
Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer........Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric ac id and effervescent action clean vitreous China .

=======================================
Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water
and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.

======================================
Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the
jewelry for two minutes.

=======================================
Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).

====================================
Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer tablets down the
drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, and then run the hot water.

The Way Children See Things

2008-12-13T05:11:00.000-08:00

Subject: The way children see things

(1) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

(2) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?"

(3) HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in
the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago.

(4) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents,"

(5) Tomato Sauce

A woman was trying hard to get the sauce to come out of
the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter
to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her
mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you
right now. She's hitting the bottle,"

(6) ELDERLY

While working for an organisation that delivers lunches to elderly
hospices, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at
a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
"The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

(7)DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit," "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning,"

(8) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal
of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
prayers and with sonorous dignit y intoned his version of what he
thought his Father always said "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn
... and into the hole he gooooes,"

(9) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read,
I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

(10) BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I
found", the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With
astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's
Adam's underwear!"

Breathing Therapy

2008-12-12T02:39:00.000-08:00

Subject: MUST Read - Breathing Therapy
Date: Friday, November 14, 2008, 4:00 AM

Wonder how true it is, but anyway, no harm trying, so !!!!!!!!!!!!???????

Good day.

Breathing Therapy

The nose has a left and a right side,; we use both to inhale and exhale..
Actually they are different, you would be able to feel the difference.

The right side represents the sun, left side represents the moon.

During a headache, try to close your right nose
and use your left nose to breathe.

In about 5 mins, your headache will be gone. If you feel tired, just
reverse, close your left nose and breathe through your right nose.
After a while, you will feel your mind is re-freshed .

Right side belongs to 'hot', so it gets heated up easily, left side
belongs to 'cold'.
Most females breathe with their left noses, so they get "cooled off"
faster.

Most of the guys breathe with their right noses, they get worked up.

Do you notice the moment we wake up, which side breathes faster? Left or
right? If left is faster, you will feel tired.
So, close your left nose and use your right nose for breathing, you will
get refreshed quickly.
This can be taught to kids, but it is more effective when practised by
adults.

My friend used to have bad headaches and was always visiting the doctor.

There was this period when she suffered headache literally every night,
and unable to study. She took painkillers, did not work.
She decided to try out the breathing therapy here: closed her right nose
and breathed through her left nose.
In less than a week, her headaches were gone! She continues the exercise
for one month.

This alternative natural therapy without medication is something that she
has experienced.

So, why not give it a try ?

Gallstones Removal (6-day treatment)

2008-12-06T19:53:00.000-08:00

----- Original Message -----

Sent: Tuesday, November 28, 2006 8:39 AM
Subject: Gallstones Removal (6-day treatment)

Please note always consult your doctor first before any alternative treatment or remedy.

Date: Tue, 21 Nov 2006 12:54:36 +0800

Dear All,

this is a useful piece of information that you may have received
before.

This is true and it works. You can 'google' Dr Lai Chiu-Nan to find
out more about her and the feedbacks of this treatment.

ps. as always, spread the good things

Pictures first, explanation and procedure follows:

1. Liver
2. Common Bile Duct
3. Gallstones
4. Gallbladder

REMOVING GALLSTONES NATURALLY
by Dr Lai Chiu-Nan

It has worked for many. If it works for you please pass on the
good news. Chiu Nan is not charging for it, so we should make it free for
everyone. Your reward is when someone, through your word of mouth,
benefits from the regime. Gallstones may not be everyone's concern. But they
should be because we all have them. Moreover, gallstones may lead to cancer.
"Cancer is never the first illness,"

Chiu Nan points out. "Usually, there are a lot of other problems leading to cancer. In my research in China, I came across some materials which say that people with cancer usually have stones. We all have gallstones. It's a matter of big or small, many or few. One of the symptoms of gallstones is bloated feeling after a heavy meal. You feel like you can't digest the food. If it gets more serious, you feel pain in the liver area."

So if you think you have
gallstones, Chiu Nan offers the following method to remove them
naturally. The treatment is also good for those with a weak liver, because
the liver and gallbladder are closely linked.

Regimen:
1. For the first five days, take four glasses of apple juice (green apples preferred)
every
day. Or eat four or five apples, whichever you prefer. Apple juice
softens
the gallstones. During the five days, eat normally.
2. On the sixth day, take no dinner.
3. At 6 PM, take a teaspoon of Epsom salt (magnesium sulphate)
with a glass of warm water. (Drink slowly because of swallowing difficulties)
4. At 8 PM, repeat the same. Magnesium sulphate opens the
gallbladder ducts.
5. At 10 PM, take half cup olive oil (or sesame oil) with half
cup fresh lemon juice. Mix it well and drink it. The oil lubricates the
stonesto ease their passage.

PS. 1cup=250ml, ½ cup lemon juice=3 lemons (aprox.)

The next morning, (bowel movement) you will find green stones in your stools.
Usually they float," Chiu Nan notes. "You might want to count them. I
have had people who passes 40, 50 or up to 100 stones. Very many."
"Even if you don't have any symptoms of gallstones, you still
might have some. It's always good to give your gall bladder a clean-up now
and then.

PASS THIS AND YOU MAY HELP OTHERS!

Enjoy Your Life While You Can

2008-11-17T07:19:00.000-08:00

Date: Fri, 14 Nov 2008 19:57:29 -0800
From:
Subject: FW: Enjoy your life while you can

HOW TRUE IT IS

Another year has passed

And we're all a little older.

Last summer felt hotter,

And winter seems much colder.

I rack my brain for happy thoughts

To put down on my pad.

But lots of things that come to mind
Just make me kind of sad.

There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
About 'Living in the Past'.

We used to go to friends' homes,
Football games and lunches..

Now we go to therapy, to hospitals,
And after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers,
From parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
And sleep the night away.

We used to go out dining,
And couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
Come home and take a pill.

We used to often travel
To places near and far.
Now we get backaches
From riding in the car.

We used to go out shopping
For new clothing at the Mall.

But, now we never bother...
All the sizes are too small.

That, my friend is how life is.
And now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...

Before you're too darn old!!

So enjoy it while you can...

Live, Laugh and Love!

Q & A (IQ Testing)

2008-11-11T06:10:00.000-08:00

~ * o* sTephANie ^_* ~

TEACHER : Why are you late?
BALGOBIN : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
BALGOBIN : The one that says, 'School Ahead, Go Slow.'
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
BALGOBIN : You told me to do it without using tables!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, how do you spell 'crocodile'?
BALGOBIN :
'K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L'
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
BALGOBIN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
BALGOBIN : 'HIJKLMNO! '!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
BALGOBIN : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, go to the map and find North America.
BALGOBIN : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Balgobin!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
BALGOBIN : Me!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, why do you always get so dirty?
BALGOBIN : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
BALGOBIN : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
BALGOBIN : Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
BALGOBIN : Don't bite any.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with 'I'.
BALGOBIN : I is...
TEACHER : No, Balgobin. Always say, 'I am.'
BALGOBIN : All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : 'Can anybody give an example of 'COINCIDENCE?'
BALGOBIN :
'Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.'
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : 'George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?'
BALGOBIN : 'Because George still had the axe in his hand?'
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
BALGOBIN : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
BALGOBIN : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Wh! at a pair of strange socks you arewearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
BALGOBIN : Yes it's really
strange. I've got another pair just like that
at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, children, if I saw a man beating adonkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
BALGOBIN : Brotherly love?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, Balgobin, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
BALGOBIN : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Di! d you copy his?
BALGOBIN : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
BALGOBIN : A teacher

Crabby Old Man

2008-10-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 2:57 PM

CRABBY OLD MAN

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Tampa, Florida, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found a poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Missouri. The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem. And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.

Crabby Old Man

What do you see nurses? ............ .... What do you see?
What are you thinking ......... when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man, ............ not very wise,
Uncertain of habit . with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food ............ and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice ........... 'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice ............ the things that you do.
And forever is losing ............ ........ a sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not ........... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding ........... the long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? ..... Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse . you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am ........... as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .......... as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten ....... with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters ............ .. who love one another.
A young boy of Sixteen .......... with wings on his feet.
Dreaming that soon now ............ ... a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty ............ my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows ........... that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now ............ .. I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide ........... and a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty ............ .... my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other .......... with ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons ......... have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me .......... to see! I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, . babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me ............ ... my wife is now dead.
I look at the future ............ ... I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing ......... young of their own.
And I think of the years .. and the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man ............ ..... and nature is cruel.
Tis jest to make old age ............ ... look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles ........... grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone ........... where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass ... a young guy still dwells,
And now and again ............ .. my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys ............ ..... I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living ............ ... life over again.
I think of the years .... all too few ..... gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact ........ that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people ............ ..... open and see.
Not a crabby old man. Look closer ..... See . ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within . We will all, one day, be there, too!

PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM
The best and most beautiful things of this world can't be seen or touched. They must be felt by the heart.

Installing A Husband Software

2008-10-20T01:52:00.000-07:00

Subject: FW: INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2008 05:26:54 +0000

Just for a laugh.

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 ;program.These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support

A Very Nice Story

2008-10-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,

'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother
and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much
misery is enough!'

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old
man says.

'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this,
so you
call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts,
'I'll take care of
this.'

She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not
getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm
calling
my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then ,
don't do
a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he
says,
'It's all set. They're both coming for Deepavali and paying
their own
airfare!!'

MORAL:

No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.

The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet
your dear ones.

OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING
IN LIFE.

Wife 1.0 Software

2008-07-11T09:09:00.000-07:00

Received 11th July 2008

Subject: Wife 1.0 Software

THIS IS REALLY FUNNY!

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Golfing 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....
____________ _________ _________ _______
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 .. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/ Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application 'Yes Dear' to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs . Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 .. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,

Tech Support

40 Golden Tips for Better Life - 2008

2008-07-04T09:28:00.000-07:00

-----Original Message-----

40 Golden Tips for Better Life - 2008

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, Smile. It is the ultimate
anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.
3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,
'My purpose is to __________ today.'
5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice Meditation and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for
our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6. - Appreciate
their genuine nature, strength, and innocence. For real!
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is
manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan Salmon,
broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy
into your life.
14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts
or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present
moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of
the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you
learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.
18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all
about.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
26. Forgive everyone for everything.
27. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. Nature heals everything.
29. However good or bad a situation is it will change.
30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in
touch.
31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
33. The best is yet to come.
34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
35. Do the right thing!
36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!) Hey I'm thinking of ya!
37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:
I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.
38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a
fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy
the ride.
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.
May your troubles be less, May your blessings be more, May nothing but Happiness come through your door!

Regards and have a good day.

Dr.Sukdershan Singh
Melaka, Malaysia.

A Message by George Carlin

2008-07-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

Date: Thu, May 22, 2008 at 8:49 AM
Subject: FW: A Message by George Carlin

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

George Carlin

Why Women ARE so Special

2008-07-04T09:22:00.000-07:00

Received 7th July 2008

Why Women ARE so Special .....

Mum and Dad were watching TV when Mum said, 'I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed.'
She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches.. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.
She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer.
She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom.
She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the excursion and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote aquick note for the grocery store. She put both near her bag.
Mum then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night Solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.

Dad called out, 'I thought you were going to bed.' 'I'm on my way,' she said. She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on.
She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and radios, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the basket, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack.
She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.

About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. 'I'm going to bed.' And he did...without another thought.
Anything extraordinary here?

Wonder why women live longer...? 'CAUSE THEY ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL...... (and we can't die sooner, we still have things to do!!!!)

Send this to five phenomenal women today...they'll love you for it! Forward this to as many men as you can so that they know why women are so special ??

....whether a housewife or a working woman, every woman is special in her own way.. .

if U men agree, hand on heart, that women are special, just respect them as they are ...and their individualism and independence.

Cheers to womankind!!

A Joke Created For The Aged

2008-07-01T10:02:00.000-07:00

Received:Tue 7/1/2008 11:38 AM

Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed

the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Bill didn't show up. Sam wasn't concerned; he thought

Bill might have a cold or some urgent appointment. But after Bill hadn't
shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since Sam

didn't know where Bill lived (the only time they ever got together was

at the park) he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

After a month had passed, Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill.

On his next visit to the park, however, Bill was sitting on their usual

bench waiting for him.

Amazed and delighted, Sam exclaimed, ''For crying out loud Bill,

what in the world happened to you?''

Bill replied, ''I've been in jail.'

''Jail?'' cried Sam. ''You?! What on earth for?''

''Well,'' Bill said, ''you know Sue , that cute little blonde
waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?''

''Yes,'' said Sam, ''I remember her. What about her?''

''Well, one day she filed rape charges against me.
At age 89, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded ''guilty.''

''The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.''

Power of Positive Talk - Must Read

2008-06-18T19:20:00.000-07:00

Received:
Wednesday, June 18, 2008 1:27:30 PM

Below
is an excellent piece of article..... it is worth spending 5-10 minutes on
this...

[]

" I remember my dad teachin me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did... fall.

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.

[]

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do.

Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

The point is made.

If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.

If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."

People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.

My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.

These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children."

[]

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.

So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."

If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.

Notice when you or other people use them.

Ø But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Ø Try: Presupposes failure.
Ø If: Presupposes that you may not.
Ø Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.

Ø Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
Ø Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
Ø Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.

Ø Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Examples:
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"

Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"

Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.

FAMILY

2008-06-13T07:37:00.000-07:00

Received:

FAMILY

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,

'Oh excuse me please' was my reply

He said, 'Please excuse me too;

I wasn't watching for you.'

We were very polite, this stranger and I.

We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,

How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,

My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.

'Move out of the way,' I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.

I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,

God's still small voice came to me and said,

'While dealing with a stranger,

common courtesy you use,

but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,

You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.

He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,

you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.'

By this time, I felt very small,

And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;

'Wake up, little one, wake up,' I said.

'Are these the flowers you picked for me?'

He smiled, 'I found 'em, out by the tree

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.

I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.'

I said, 'Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;

I shouldn't have yelled at you that way.

' He said, ' Oh, Mom, that's okay.

I love you anyway.'

I said, 'Son, I love you too,

and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.'

FAMILY

Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company

that we are working for could easily replace us in

a matter of days.

But the family we left behind will feel the loss

for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more

into work than into our own family,

an unwise investment indeed,

don't you think?

So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?

FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

Pass this message to 7 people except you and me ..

You will receive a miracle tomorrow.

Don't ignore and God will bless you

Why Drink Coconut Water

2008-06-04T09:37:00.000-07:00

Received: Tuesday, May 20, 2008 10:22:16
Subject : Why drink coconut water

Why Drink
Coconut
Water?

CocoWater is naturally:
> Low in Carbs
> 99% Fat Free
> Low in sugars

Coconut Water contains organic compounds possessing healthy growth promoting properties that have been known to help:

Keep the body cool and at the proper temperature
Orally re-hydrate your body, it is an all natural isotonic beverage
Carry nutrients and oxygen to cells
Naturally replenish your body's fluids after exercising
Raise your metabolism
Promote weight loss
Boost your immune system
Detoxify and fight viruses
Cleanse your digestive tract
Control diabetes
Aid your body in fighting viruses that cause the flu, herpes, and AIDS
Balance your PH and reduce risk of cancer
Treat kidney and urethral stones
Boost poor circulation

Mosquito Control Technique

2008-06-03T08:25:00.000-07:00

Received: Monday 2008 19:26:13
Subject : Mosquito control technique - useful tip!

Mosquito control technique - useful tip!

The mosquito control technique but instead of using Lemon Fresh Joy, i
used Harimau Kuat Lemon flavoured dish wash liquid (yellow bottle and
about RM2.80) and..... it actually works. Thanks to my niece. It's cheap
and non poisonous like Ridsect of Fumakilla and the others.

Finally, found this simple home tip:-

You have a lot of mosquitoes in your bedroom? Try this.

Mosquito Treatment: So you don't like those pesky mosquitoes. Here's a
tip that was given at a recent gardening forum. Put some water in a
white dinner plate and add a couple drops of Lemon Fr R Set the dish on
your porch, patio, picnic table, park bench, or other outdoor area. Not
sure what attracts them, the lemon smell, the white plate colour, or what.

BUT ... mosquitoes flock to it, and drop dead shortly after drinking the
Lemon Fresh Joy/water mixture, and usually within about 10 feet of the plate.

TRY IT--- it works just superb! It may seem trivial, but it may also
help to control mosquitoes around your home, (especially in areas where
the West Nile virus is reaching epidemic proportions in mosquitoes, birds, and humans).

Pass this on to anyone who likes sitting out in the evening, or when they're having a cook out.

Jack Russell Terrier

2008-05-30T07:38:00.000-07:00

Subject: Fw: Jack Russell Terrier (Worth a Read :)]

The moral of the story is worth the read for
'Old Dogs'.

OLD DOGS RULE

A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa , taking his faithful, elderly Jack Russell terrier named Killer, along for the company.

One day the old Jack Russell starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old Jack Russell thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old Jack Russell exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
'Whew!', says the leopard, 'That was close! That old Jack Russell nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old Jack Russell sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old Jack Russell sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Jack Russell says...

'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!'

Moral of this story:

Don't mess with the old dogs -- Age and Skill will always overcome
Youth and Treachery!
Bullshit and Brilliance only come with age and experience.

If you don't send this to five 'old' friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.
Of course, I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more 'youthfully challenged.'

You did notice the large print size, didn't you?

Family Humour

2008-05-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

------------------------------
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife : 'Yes or no.'
-------------------------------

Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the
problem disappear'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be
greater than this one?'

--------------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever Girl:

'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'

Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

----------------------------
Son: ' Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat
a lady'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
________________________________

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

------------------------------------------------------------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'

-------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

Wives vs Husbands

2008-05-29T09:38:00.000-07:00

Email received:

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day,'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'

The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.

' Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament

and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........'HEBREWS'

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT !

Cute Story

2008-05-29T07:12:00.000-07:00

Received:

Wednesday, May 28, 2008 12:31:24 PM

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
"what happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time. …………………………."

("I just LOVE reading next line again and again") …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. …………………………. ………………………….
GOD is missing,
and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Petrol Tips

2008-05-28T20:23:00.000-07:00

Received Email:

TIPS ON FILLING YOUR CAR(S)

I don't know what you guys are paying for petrol.... but here in Durban we
are also paying

higher, up to R7.35 per litre.

But my line of work is in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some
tricks to get more of your money's worth for every litre. Here at the Marian
Hill Pipeline where I work in Durban , we deliver about 4 million litres in a
24-hour

period thru the pipeline. One day is diesel the next day is jet fuel, and
petrol,

LRP and Unleaded. We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity of
16,800,000 litres.

Only buy or fill up your car or bakkie in
the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that
all
service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder
the
ground the more dense the fuel, when it gets warmer petrol expands,so buying
in
the afternoon or in the evening....your litre is not exactly a litre. In the
petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the petrol,
diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important
role. A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But
the
service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.

When you're filling up do not squeeze the
trigger of the nozzle to a fast mode. If you look you will see that the
trigger
has three (3) stages: low, middle, and high. In slow mode you should be
pumping
on low speed, thereby minimizing the vapours that are created while you are
pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapour return. If you are pumping on
the
fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapour. Those
vapours are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so
you're getting less worth for your money.

One of the most important tips is to fill up
when your tank is HALF FULL. The reason for this is, the more fuel you have
in
your tank the less air occupying its empty space. petrol evaporates faster
than
you can imagine. Petroleum storage tanks have an internal floating roof.
This
roof serves as zero clearance between the petrol and the atmosphere, so it
minimizes the evaporation. Unlike service stations, here where I work, every
truck that we load is temperature compensated so that every litre is
actually
the exact amount.

Another reminder, if there is a fuel truck pumping
into the storage tanks when you stop to buy, DO NOT fill up--most likely the
petrol/diesel is being stirred up as the fuel is being delivered, and you
might
pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom.

Hope this will help you get the most value for your money.

DO SHARE THESE TIPS WITH OTHERS!

Warning To Men

2008-05-28T10:30:00.000-07:00

Received: Monday, May 26, 2008 9:07:50 AM
Subject: Fwd: Fw: WARNING TO MEN (some propaganda being circulated to men)

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert
and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a
date rape drug on the market called "Beer". The drug is found in liquid form and is available
anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs".
Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male
victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few
units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings
attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific
looking women whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy
memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a
vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship". In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as
"marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is
offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the
details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.


For a video to see how beer works click here: *Beer Demo*